This is my Internet. There are many like it but this one is mine. My Internet is my best friend. It is my life. I must master it as I must master my life. Without me, my Internet is useless. Without my Internet I am useless. I must browse my Internet true. I must quip better than my enemy, who is trying to out-pun me. I must tweet about him before he tweets about me. I will. Before God I swear this creed: my Internet and myself are defenders of my gold stars and red hearts, we are the masters of our enemy, we are the saviors of my life. So be it, until there is no enemy, but peace. Amen.
